After several months of “thinking it through” I’ve finally decided to begin a blog. I’ve spent the last year lurking around a few other sites and becoming part of many others’ journeys through life. Some of which I personally know…and many others that I’ve only met virtually. It’s amazing how well you can feel you “know” someone without ever truly meeting them (more on that to come).
I’m hoping this will be a good way to communicate with all of those that I’ve failed to respond to via email. Life with our three blessings can get so hectic at times that it’s difficult to keep in touch with everyone that I’d like to. The goal is to keep my mom from sending the “Are you guys alive?” emails. My parents only live 30 minutes away and we see them often but if mom doesn’t hear from me for four or more consecutive days she begins to worry. So…here’s the plan…if I could only remember to come here to update the blog at least once every four days it will allow her to rest assured that we are alive and well (love you…mom!).
The kids start school tomorrow which is one of the many days each year that I become emotional. I swear every year that next year will be easier…I’m not going to let it get to me…not going to cry. But year after year, the tears come and everyone around me thinks I’m crazy (including my dear husband). I can remember being five and sitting in mom’s lap in the rocking chair thinking “why on earth does my mom have me on her lap in the rocking chair? I’m too big for this”. And then looking up into her eyes and realizing that she was softly crying. Being five this was a bit confusing to me. “What had I done wrong? Have I disappointed her?” When she could finally pull herself together she told me her tears were not there because of disappointment or anger…she was crying out of happiness. I remember thinking…”how strange…people will cry when they are happy?!” Mom was sending me to kindergarten the next day. I was so excited to finally get to go to “big school” and mom was going to cry? As I walked up the steps to begin my education that next day, I turned around to see mom there crying (not gently this time) and thought she had lost her mind.
Five years ago I found myself in those same shoes. Our oldest blessing would begin kindergarten. Did I let that “crazy” emotion that got into my mother so many years ago take over me? OF COURSE, I did. And then again the next year when she started first grade. And then the next year it was time to send our second blessing off to school. And then two years later yet another challenge…I had to leave my youngest baby at school. Each year I cried…not tears of happiness. I cried out of fear. Fear that no teacher could ever care for and watch over my babies the way that I did. Fear that my babies would be put into a situation where they needed me to protect them from and I wouldn’t be there.
So the question is ….will I cry tomorrow as I take my children to begin another year of education? I’m certain I will as the tears are coming now just thinking about it. But this year is different. I’ll have to get into that detail in a later post but in summary I can say that my tears tomorrow won’t be out of fear…but thankfulness…for I am thankful that I have three children to send off to school. I am thankful that my children are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. I am thankful that HE has trusted me with three precious blessings.
I feel like I have so much I need to “catch” you up on but in an effort to accomplish all of the other things on my task list for today…I will patiently await and get caught up a little at a time. Until then, thanks for joining me here!
